Analyze That!

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

0920
Rogers Office
Meropis

Roger nodded once as Ryan finished up.

it wont be a chaplain in my personal case, probably a psychologist or someone else, but you never know, not like I'll be able to do anything about it then, I'll be dead. I've not had to write a letter yet, you might see me around the first time or first times I do, I don't know how the General must go with it An amazing ability to compartmentalize was Roger's guess. You'd know better than me, if you want me to come every few months or whatever, I don't mind, that much... Roger shook his head, very funny. have a good morning Doctor, if it gets too much radio me and I can always get one of the junior weapons officers to beam you out of your office to somewhere, maybe your quarters, I'll call it training.

I'll keep that in mind. I'll be in touch via Email. Good luck, and thanks for coming by today. Please send in the next person. Roger finished his notes on Decker as the man left, and the next person entered.

Tag:Ryan Decker (For a read-only), and whoever.

[Capt. Kelly Miller]

0925
Meropis City
Infirmary

Kelly was next. Oh, she wasn't here for a true Shrink sesh; she'd had hers back on Earth just before Gating throgh. However, what she did need was advice. And who better to give advice than a psychologist?! She smiled at the young man who left as she entered, and then knocked softly at the door. She waited for the Doctor's word before she entered. Since he wasn't military, she didn't bother with a salute, but since he was her peer, she DID wait for him to indicate the couch before she settled in. She smoothed her olive drab pants carefully as she arranged herself, sitting "at attention" as much as one could sit in that position. SInce she wasn't there for a looksee, she decided that she could relax a bit and she did as Roger got himself together. He offered her a beverage, and she took a cup of coffee-she didn't care anymore about how she would appear, she wanted coffee and she would have some!

She started in when he looked at her.

Thank you for seeing me; I am just here for your input. You might know that I've been asked to intervene on behalf of Lt. Lefebvre, and Jason suggested I speak with you. I just...I want to help her if she'll let me; I see a bit more than the men do. Maybe because I don't want to sleep with her, but I see a GIRL, doctor, who needs help to become a woman. Help me help her.

Tag:@me!

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

0927
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Roger was a little surprised to see Captain Miller. She had had an eval before she had Gated through, and by all accounts, she had her head in the game and her proverbial stuff together. There were a few items of note in her personnel file-she was a widow, and unable to have children. She'd seen combat, as well, but she had decent coping skills and had sought talk therapy when she needed it. He never turned anyone away, though, so he invited her in.

Good Morning, Captain Miller, it's nice to see you. Have a seat; get comfortable. Would you like something to drink? Coffee, water, tea? I have some juice somewhere. He got his pad opened to a fresh sheet, and quickly slid into his chair. He knew the command staff were busy, and he never wanted to keep them more than was absolutely necessary. He smiled after she got her coffee-black-and then indicated that she could start anytime. The woman wasted zero time getting started.

Thank you for seeing me; I am just here for your input. You might know that I've been asked to intervene on behalf of Lt. Lefebvre, and Jason suggested I speak with you. I just...I want to help her if she'll let me; I see a bit more than the men do. Maybe because I don't want to sleep with her, but I see a GIRL, doctor, who needs help to become a woman. Help me help her. Roger smiled. Ah, yes, he had been WONDERING when this was going to happen. Sure enough, Conway HAD explained to him in passing that Miss Lefebvre was helping Ms. Miller, and Roger had figured that if ANYONE could get through to her, it would need to be a tough, older woman who took zero prisoners. He started.

Well. I have seen Lt. Lefebvre, and her CO, as well. Maggie, as she prefers to be called, does seem to have some cohesion troubles, doesn't she?! I admire you for your undertaking, Captain...Dr. Kells has had some success, as I understand it, with Lefebvre...she tends to respond to women of a certain age and demeanor. He had wanted to say "women who remind me of my Mammy," but had thought better of it. His mother was Scottish, and very much the disciplinarian. She'd HAD to be, of course, with three children, the older two of which were boys, and with their father gone often for work, it had been the way she'd kept order. He, however, had the suspicion that Miller woudn't buy that story and would, instead, hurt him. He went on.

My recommendation to Jason, and to Major Eastlyn, was to give her clear, concise structure. She will NEED to start every work day preciesly at 8 am and leave at preciesly 4 pm, or whatever. She will need to be told her tasks. She's not a child, though I can see why you might've related that. She is very much a woman, and a smart one, but she needs direction. Her particular mental state is one that rejects authority because she sees them as the...parents, if you will, out to spoil her fun. She is emotionally stilted, likely due to some kind of childhood trauma. I can't tell you specifics, because of my personal beliefs, but she has seen some life. We all have, but it affects us differently. For Maggie, she sturggles to find control. So she controls the things she CAN-what she eats, how she looks, and who she associates with. He let his words sink in.

[Capt. Kelly Miller]

0930
Roger's Office
Meropis

Kelly sipped, and listened. She had no problems with the idea that psychology was a helpful, necessary tool in the medical arsenal-she'd been a client herself after John's death, and even before, when they'd been dealing with infertility. They'd eventually decided to stop trying after IVF had failed, and the traditional way had as well. She just wasn't meant to be a mother, she'd supposed. The psych had told her that some women, through bad luck, were simply unable to bear children. Kelly's had been a medical reason-her uteurus was malformed, likely due to her mother's alcoholism. Anyway, she'd worked past it, for the most part, but it was a quiet pain she would always carry with her. At any rate, she trusted Dr. Harrison-he seemed no-nonsense, and Kelly didn't have time for nonsense. She was glad when he started; he COULD help her!

Well. I have seen Lt. Lefebvre, and her CO, as well. Maggie, as she prefers to be called, does seem to have some cohesion troubles, doesn't she?! I admire you for your undertaking, Captain...Dr. Kells has had some success, as I understand it, with Lefebvre...she tends to respond to women of a certain age and demeanor...My recommendation to Jason, and to Major Eastlyn, was to give her clear, concise structure. She will NEED to start every work day preciesly at 8 am and leave at preciesly 4 pm, or whatever. She will need to be told her tasks. She's not a child, though I can see why you might've related that. She is very much a woman, and a smart one, but she needs direction. Her particular mental state is one that rejects authority because she sees them as the...parents, if you will, out to spoil her fun. She is emotionally stilted, likely due to some kind of childhood trauma. I can't tell you specifics, because of my personal beliefs, but she has seen some life. We all have, but it affects us differently. For Maggie, she sturggles to find control. So she controls the things she CAN-what she eats, how she looks, and who she associates with. Kelly nodded. That was helpful.

That I CAN do. There is nothing if not structure in the Corps...you know, Conway doesn't see it, I don't think, but Maggie does have a point, even if she makes it in the wrong way. What CAN I do? I can't punish her; it would set a precedence I don't know I am comfortable with-why should SHE be in trouble, when it does, in fact, involve two people?! Besides, it's not the actual sex I mind so much, as I suspect no one else does, exactly, they just don't have words for it. Let me take a stab at it-I think that the issue is distraction. It's not safe to have males only focused on one thing-I mean, more than you normally are. And my brig is only so big; I can't very well punish the one's she HAS slept with, even though I could technically make a case for fraternization. However, she DOES need to understand that she is crossing a line that someday, she can't uncross... Kelly trailed off. It was true; Kelly agreed very much with the "point" that Maggie made-if men were allowed to behave like leeches with little to no recompense, why couldn't women?! She shook her head; this was for sure going to be one of her hardest assignments. If only she could figure out something to MOTIVATE the woman.

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

0934
Roger's Office
Meropis

Roger listened; Miller's words were true enough. She seemed to have a definite grasp on reality versus feminism; while the two COULD co-exsist, in Roger's mind, it was difficult in the military for the follow-through.

That I CAN do. There is nothing if not structure in the Corps...you know, Conway doesn't see it, I don't think, but Maggie does have a point, even if she makes it in the wrong way. What CAN I do? I can't punish her; it would set a precedence I don't know I am comfortable with-why should SHE be in trouble, when it does, in fact, involve two people?! Besides, it's not the actual sex I mind so much, as I suspect no one else does, exactly, they just don't have words for it. Let me take a stab at it-I think that the issue is distraction. It's not safe to have males only focused on one thing-I mean, more than you normally are. And my brig is only so big; I can't very well punish the one's she HAS slept with, even though I could technically make a case for fraternization. However, she DOES need to understand that she is crossing a line that someday, she can't uncross... Roger nodded, thoughtfully.

I am due to see her again...Though I tend to agree, a "punishment", as some have suggested, won't do much good, other than to scapegoat, which tends to make things WORSE, not better, and I would be willing to bet that Lefebvre pushes back by doubling up her efforts. No. I think that addressing the problem from a psychological and medical view, and using yourself, and the General in a sort-of "parental" role, is, by far, the best solution. I understand that Miss Lefebvre has been trained that no one expects much from her, so why try? So start expecting, and put into place some consequences-mild ones, but enough that they would impact HER-if she doesn't meet them. Much like parenting a six-year-old; she's smart but creative, and that breeds boredom. I think that's the bigger picture here-she needs constant stimulation, and her...diallances provide enough excitement that she's willing to calm down enough during the day. We need to replace the boredom with true fatigue. And then REWARD her when she does well. I will speak with Jason as well, later, with this plan; you might want to, as well. If she sees a united front from the top down, that will help with the structure. And I hate to keep repeating that it needs to be YOU and Conway, but like I said, substitute parents, at least for a short time. I won't go much into detail, but her parents were, by all accounts, quite immature, and it appears as though they tried to be thier daughter's friend more than a leader and mentor. He paused.

I wish you would come see me some other time when we don't have crises abounding...I would be interested in your take on things here. Men and women see things differently. That said, I won't require you to, but just know that my door is always open. She didn't seem to be too preturbed by this, though she DID seem a bit antsy to leave. Of course, she was busy, and even Roger understood that. She hadn't made a formal appointment, but his 9:30 was late, so it had worked out.

[Capt. Kelly Miller]

0937
Roger's Office
Meropis

Kelly was finished with the coffee, and quietly deposited the cup on the table; she'd toss it when they were through. Dr. Harrison was making some excellent points, and she REALLY did need to have a sit down with Jason. Thier staff meetings were usually enough, but this was bothering her more than even giant rodents.

I am due to see her again...Though I tend to agree, a "punishment", as some have suggested, won't do much good, other than to scapegoat, which tends to make things WORSE, not better, and I would be willing to bet that Lefebvre pushes back by doubling up her efforts. No. I think that addressing the problem from a psychological and medical view, and using yourself, and the General in a sort-of "parental" role, is, by far, the best solution. I understand that Miss Lefebvre has been trained that no one expects much from her, so why try? So start expecting, and put into place some consequences-mild ones, but enough that they would impact HER-if she doesn't meet them. Much like parenting a six-year-old; she's smart but creative, and that breeds boredom. I think that's the bigger picture here-she needs constant stimulation, and her...diallances provide enough excitement that she's willing to calm down enough during the day. We need to replace the boredom with true fatigue. And then REWARD her when she does well. I will speak with Jason as well, later, with this plan; you might want to, as well. If she sees a united front from the top down, that will help with the structure. And I hate to keep repeating that it needs to be YOU and Conway, but like I said, substitute parents, at least for a short time. I won't go much into detail, but her parents were, by all accounts, quite immature, and it appears as though they tried to be thier daughter's friend more than a leader and mentor. Kelly nodded.

I can understand that. I've held that role, both officially and unofficially, with some of my subordinates over the years. I can do it again...I'll meet with Jason; maybe we can both take an early lunch. It'll be a nice break from dealing with the deaths; I have a lot of paperwork, and apparently, I am going to have hand some discharge paperwork, as well. Plus, even though she had no children of her own, she did have a niece she was close to, and she had helped to raise on and off; John's brother and sister in law both traveled for work, and they had taken Charlotte on several occassions for varying amounts of time, once almost up to a year while they worked through marriage problems. Kelly had LOVED that. The paperwork was simply a nuisence; not technically difficult, but emotionally hard, and the discharge parts were distasteful, but disobeying orders was something that had SERIOUS consequences. Then there was the lovely task of launching an IOA investigation, and she REALLY REALLY didn't want to deal with those people.

I wish you would come see me some other time when we don't have crises abounding...I would be interested in your take on things here. Men and women see things differently. That said, I won't require you to, but just know that my door is always open. Kelly nodded.

I just might take you up on that, Doc, but not today...I appreciate your time; I know I didn't make an appointment, but no one was waiting so I took my chances. The man just nodded, and Kelly stood up to take her leave. She did so, as Roger started to make some notes. The lawyer in her, aka the nosy part, wanted to know what he was saying.

Tag:Jason Conway for a read-only; Kelly and Rog are gonna email you. Open for the next victim.

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

0940
Roger's Office
Infirmary

As Kelly stood, Roger did, too.

I can understand that. I've held that role, both officially and unofficially, with some of my subordinates over the years. I can do it again...I'll meet with Jason; maybe we can both take an early lunch. It'll be a nice break from dealing with the deaths; I have a lot of paperwork, and apparently, I am going to have hand some discharge paperwork, as well. He nodded. HE had to deal with the parents and loved ones. He knew.

I just might take you up on that, Doc, but not today...I appreciate your time; I know I didn't make an appointment, but no one was waiting so I took my chances.

It was my pleasure; I like to help. I will forward my notes to Conway when I have some time; it appears my 9:30 is either a no-show or late, so I can do that now. I will CC you, as well. Good luck! He showed her out, and then went to his computer. At least there was going to be SOME fluff in amongst the horror. Maybe they should THANK Lefebvre for that.

OPEN!

[Aear Charter]

0941
Roger's Office
Infirmary

He was late. Ok so it was deliberate, he was somewhat anxious about showing up since he had a blank spot in his memory of the incident with the Koan (so much for perfect memory) and then there was his late night excursion. Both of which Fee had told him of for. Not that it helped him feel any better but it was nice that she cared enough to be upset about it.

Aear spied the lawyer person he'd met at the Party. Miller was her name and she was quiet and didn't bother him. He appreciated but that was no fun as well. Something that was difficult for him to balance, he was still massively awkward around people even if he didn't show, mainly because it was countered by his incessant need to have fun and enjoy himself. Fee told him that was something called ADHD but he wasn't so concerned with labels. He managed to mostly keep himself together.

He slipped into Roger's office as quietly as possible, hoping not to be noticed and to burn time. It didn't work as well as he would have liked however and Roger soon noticed him. "Yo!" He greeted a little uncomfortably as he wondered which he'd mention first. The Koan incident or turning a blue bear dog thing into dust.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

0941
Roger's Office
Meropis

After Miller left, and Roger sent the proper emails, he got ready for the next patient.

He looked up as a voice greeted him.

Yo.

Roger smiled. Aear again. He'd been expecting to have to FORCE Aear back in her, but he was glad he hadn't.

Good morning. You sound cheery. Fancy some tam-tams? I haven't a balding clue what they are exactly, but the Aussies fancy them. Roger held out the packet to Aear; he'd deal with Chambers in other ways. He'd apologize to Decker later, as well. Roger didn't ask this time if Aear wanted to drink, and instead he got himself settled after indicating the couch for Aear.

All right, Aear, what brings you to see me today?! Miss Fiona, perhaps? How are you feeling; you were quite ill, and I had half a mind to keep you longer. You should thank Fee; it was because of her that I let you go. She reminded me you're not dangerous to anyone, and would be in her charge. I hope you're not giving her too much problem. Roger shook his head. The two of them were close, but kept him on his toes. Fee was coming into herself more and more, and her personality was blossming as one of self-confidence. Tinged with a stereotypical but not totally surprising Irish temper-the woman had a lot be angry about, frankly. And Aear was doing well by sticking with Fee; he knew that she tried her best to not stifle him. She cared deeply for the man in a platonic sort of way-as far as he could gather, Aear was Fiona's only real friend, with Elly Clark a second, but not so close.

Tag:Aear Charter.

[Jason Conway]

1015
Roger's Office
Meropis

Now that he'd left the running of the base to the rest of the senior command team, he could finally have a much needed chat with Roger. General Jason Conway approached Dr. Harrison's office tentatively, nobody was waiting outside this time so he shuffled up to the door and gave it a tap. A welcome reply from beyond indicated the General should enter.

Once inside Conway took a seat and adjusted himself into a comfortable position, while he wasn't used to seeing people like Roger regularly, this wasn't his first rodeo either. Roger's welcoming smile gave Conway his opening,
"Hi Doc, I hope you're not too busy I... I just need a moment of your time, in confidence of course..."
He asked cautiously. Truth be told, the expedition leader was under a lot of pressure lately, not just from above but from below as well. With rumours of a spy on the base, the Etruscans being recognized by the IOA officially as a threat to Earth and the Lilith situation... Well, it was fair to say the General had a few plates spinning. He had plans upon plans running at this time but none of that was why he was here today. He was here because, for the first time in his long and storied career, he had doubted himself, and that terrified the man. Jason took the offer of a glass of water as Roger replied and settled in for the duration.

<tag Dr. Roger Harrison>

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1015
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Roger finished the paperwork in between Aear and the next patient. Aear, per usual, was being obnoxious, but Roger was slowly, SLOWLY making headway. However, he still found himself needing a stiff drink and a wind-down after a session with Aear, and sometimes even with Fiona. After he saw the next person, he was going to check up on Dr. Black and have a meal, then see the afternoon people.

The knock came at his door. He smiled, and gave a nod.

Aye, 'tis open. He smiled again upon seeing the General. The man spoke.

Hi Doc, I hope you're not too busy I... I just need a moment of your time, in confidence of course... Roger nodded. Everything was in confidence with him, except the odd hellos in the hallway, and the like. He got his pad, and watched as the General made himself comfortable. He offered the man some water or coffee; and handed him a paper cup of the water from the container of potable water he kept in a carafe on the table. The two men got comfortable, and then Roger started.

I always have time for a chat. And it's always confidental, unless, of course, you're planning to murder someone or harm yourself. You might get me to turn the blind eye if it's Charter, however. Roger grinned; that was, of course, a joke. What brings you in today? Miss Lefebvre is on duty, so that can't be it, and I was meant to be seeing Fiona now; but she's in the infirmary with Dr. Black. Methinks a romance is blossoming, but don't tell anyone. He smiled a cheeky grin. Someone needed to lighten the mood around here; the military blokes were stuffy and the civillians were a nervous bunch. He DID want to get the man's input on Doctor's Black and Maccafferty, but he also didn't want to cause problems. He indicated the man should go.

tag:Jason Conway.

[Jason Conway]

1017
Roger's Office
Infirmary

The Doc, as always, looked relaxed and ready to chat. The General was silently thankful that he had such a man on the base personnel.
"I always have time for a chat. And it's always confidential, unless, of course, you're planning to murder someone or harm yourself. You might get me to turn the blind eye if it's Charter, however. What brings you in today? Miss Lefebvre is on duty, so that can't be it, and I was meant to be seeing Fiona now; but she's in the infirmary with Dr. Black. Methinks a romance is blossoming, but don't tell anyone.
" Roger sounded cheerful. Conway smiled at his attempts to guess what was up and his recounting of the various characters that Meropis had come to acquire.
"No, nothing about anything of them... Actually, it's about me." He stated. The tone changed in a heartbeat and he felt Roger's ears prick up, it was unusual for the General to open up like this.

He didn't want to start with 'Well, Doc...' or 'Where do I begin?' which both sounded far too cliche. Instead Jason simply sighed and collected his thoughts into some semblance of a sentence. He clasped his hands together against his mouth deep in thought for a moment before he plucked up the courage to speak,
"You know I've always been a man who has many plates spinning. A mission here, an undercover operative there, a request with a cover story over there. I've got people working on secret side projects all over the shop, that's just the nature of commanding a base of this size and a mission of this importance. That much I can handle, I just question. I kind of..." His eyes narrowed as various questions ran through the man's mind, "Am I good enough leader Rog?" He paused, allowing Roger to digest the question before explaining himself, "I mean, there are threats of a spy on the base that I knew nothing about, I've allowed us to be invaded twice on the same day and so far the only major thing to come back to the Milky Way from this god damn place is news about a new enemy and the bodies to go with it."
He took a breath, that was the outburst over with. It was Roger's turn to guide the General, he knew, but he wasn't really sure what he wanted or why he was here. He just knew that things didn't feel 'right' lately, not just base wide but within Jason's own mind as well.

<tag Dr. Roger Harrison>

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1020
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Roger had expected this; the General's "meltdown" to the extent the man would have one. After all, the man didn't become a General, and a CO for no reason; the main one being that he was able to be mostly calm. However, he was still human, and thus, prone to the same failings as anyone else. After Rog had indicated that he should go, the floodgates opened.

No, nothing about anything of them... Actually, it's about me....You know I've always been a man who has many plates spinning. A mission here, an undercover operative there, a request with a cover story over there. I've got people working on secret side projects all over the shop, that's just the nature of commanding a base of this size and a mission of this importance. That much I can handle, I just question. I kind of..Am I good enough leader Rog?I mean, there are threats of a spy on the base that I knew nothing about, I've allowed us to be invaded twice on the same day and so far the only major thing to come back to the Milky Way from this god damn place is news about a new enemy and the bodies to go with it.

Roger waited a moment before beginning. His internal monologue found a song; likly from a TV commercial. He ignored the urge to sing it aloud, and instead spoke.

Jason. Every leader since the dawn of time has had moments where they question themselves. It's a normal part of the human condition. *I* have moments where I wonder...Do I help people?! Is what I say enough? And then I see things like Fiona-blossoming. Or Tom Chambers, smiling! Then I know...I am getting through. I could do SO much more, but what I do...it's a lot. So yes. I think you're a great leader. You could practice delegating a little more, and we could work on relaxation techniques, because I notice you tend to be a little reactionary when under stress, but again...those things are very normal and make you no less effective. In fact, it's my personal, and professional, opinion that people who recognize their weaknesses make BETTER leaders because they can accept fallicies in others...does that make sense?! Roger paused to sip some coffee and to let his statement sink in.

If you would be interested, we can work through some deep relaxation techniques. They're very simple, and you can incorporate them into your daily routine with little effort. Most of it is deep breathing and visulization. Would that be helpful? He paused again, not wanting to push the man, but definitely looking for avenues to assist. There was something more, though.

I sense there's more, Jason. What's on your mind? Please, don't censor yourself in here. I can't help you fully if I don't understand the gravity of the situation...Nothing you can say will frighten or annoy me. Trust me, I have heard worse. That much was true...

Tag:Jason Conway

[Jason Conway]

1025
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Doc Harrison's words were reassuring for sure, it was what the man was paid to do. Conway made a mental note to look at shifting his assignment away from the Sun Tzu and back to Meropis base permanently, they needed him more than ever lately and the ship didn't need TWO highly skilled medical professionals on board. He was grateful for Roger listening to Conway's woes and doubts, and heeded his reply.
"If you would be interested, we can work through some deep relaxation techniques. They're very simple, and you can incorporate them into your daily routine with little effort. Most of it is deep breathing and visualization. Would that be helpful?" Roger asked the leader.
"Yeah, I'd like that. I think that would be a good idea, however, I'd need to remember to do it - or more importantly make time to do it. It's easy to simply say 'on to the next thing' and forget to make time for yourself, especially out here in another galaxy where we're all virtually always on duty." Conway replied.

He took a deep breath and leaned forward, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and index finger while resting his eyes. These last few weeks had been his most challenging yet. The General would be the first one to challenge his four-star colleagues when he got back on Earth. There were certainly many aspects of being a high-ranking Air Force officer that entailed doing very little work and generally (no pun intended) riding it out until retirement. Conway was learning that being part of the Stargate Program was the polar opposite.
"I sense there's more, Jason. What's on your mind? Please, don't censor yourself in here. I can't help you fully if I don't understand the gravity of the situation... Nothing you can say will frighten or annoy me. Trust me, I have heard worse.
" Roger probed further. Conway was reluctant at first but soon realized there was no fighting it, Roger would tease it all out of him with a needle if he had to.
"Well, it's the unique set up here that has me stressed at times. Don't get me wrong I've no doubt that I have the full and unwavering support of Captain Jones, Captain Miller, Michael Hurley and all the off-world team C.O's barring a few differences of opinion occasionally. But managing an expedition of this scale has proven tricky. It's not that it's too big for me but, it's too small, do you understand?" Roger nodded, sensibly allowing the General to pour out more information into the cup of wisdom that he saw Doc Harrison as, "When I was an active Air Force General I managed thousands of troops. I did that by issuing commands to Colonels, who issued commands down to Majors, who shouted at Sergeants... You get the picture. The system ran itself like a well oiled machine. I was given information, I made decisions and my word goes. Out here it's so much more personal than that. I've had to get to know each and every single person on the base, I've made time for them. Some of them, civilians included, have seriously disagreed with some of my decisions. Others have questioned whether what I've ordered is the right thing, but nevertheless carried out the orders. I guess I'm not used to such open feedback if that makes sense? I find it difficult to explain to you Roger but, I hope you understand me? My leadership of this expedition is having a direct and powerful impact on each and every one of these people's lives."

Jason paused only to sight and take a sip of water from the table, "I only hope that it's in a positive way."

<tag Dr. Roger Harrison>

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

Roger had gotten to know most of the personnel on base. He knew the subtle ways he needed to interact with each person-Fiona responded better to logic, while Aear needed more of a firm but fair approach, while Maggie Lefebvre needed clear, firm, unwavering boundaries. The General, Roger had come to understand, needed to be treated differently. He needed an outlet to forget, and Roger could provide that, he hoped, by making his office about the personal, instead of the professional.

So he put away his notebook for a bit while the General spilled his guts.

Yeah, I'd like that. I think that would be a good idea, however, I'd need to remember to do it - or more importantly make time to do it. It's easy to simply say 'on to the next thing' and forget to make time for yourself, especially out here in another galaxy where we're all virtually always on duty... Roger smirked. That much was true; there was ALWAYS something going on, and as he understood it, it would be thusly at least the first full year, if not longer.

THAT will be up to you, as you well know. If you make it a priority, you can find twenty minutes to clear your mind...I have counseled women who have just become mothers, and I know the guilt that one feels when they feel like they're ignoring thier responsiblities to take care of themselves. BUT...I will tell you the same thing I tell them-you cannot be an effective leader-a good parent, or boss, or lover, or friend-if things are not taken care of WITHIN. Of course I am not saying to mitch off and go to the Bahamas for a week with no notice, but thirty minutes of time spent JUST for Jason-a drink and a book, a run, anything-it will make you better able to address each issue as it arises because your head is clear. I struggle with it myself-I make myself available for all of you 'round the clock...it's my pleasure, but sometimes I remember that I need to eat, or rest, or even just use the restroom myself...and that is OK. The patients will still BE here...and even if I were able to see them all whenever THEY wanted...I still wouldn't be able to save them all. I am a man, not God.... He stopped his spiel here, to let Conway reflect.

Well, it's the unique set up here that has me stressed at times. Don't get me wrong I've no doubt that I have the full and unwavering support of Captain Jones, Captain Miller, Michael Hurley and all the off-world team C.O's barring a few differences of opinion occasionally. But managing an expedition of this scale has proven tricky. It's not that it's too big for me but, it's too small, do you understand? Here, Rog nodded, but didn't speak. When I was an active Air Force General I managed thousands of troops. I did that by issuing commands to Colonels, who issued commands down to Majors, who shouted at Sergeants... You get the picture. The system ran itself like a well oiled machine. I was given information, I made decisions and my word goes. Out here it's so much more personal than that. I've had to get to know each and every single person on the base, I've made time for them. Some of them, civilians included, have seriously disagreed with some of my decisions. Others have questioned whether what I've ordered is the right thing, but nevertheless carried out the orders. I guess I'm not used to such open feedback if that makes sense? I find it difficult to explain to you Roger but, I hope you understand me? My leadership of this expedition is having a direct and powerful impact on each and every one of these people's lives. I only hope that it's in a positive way.

Roger paused a beat before speaking, to gather his words. He was searching for the RIGHT thing to say.

I think I understand what you're meaning to say. Immediately before I was recruited for the Stargate Program, I worked for the US Government at the Surgeon General's office, in DC, along with a small group practice. The patients I saw at the SG's office were the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Congress people, and civillian employees of the government in various capacities. Much like you, they could just issue an order-or make an appointment, say-and it would just HAPPEN, as if magic. But at my private practice, I saw some DC power players-real estate moguls, professors from Duke, people like that. THEY had more responsibility. I remember one of the professors speaking of a situation much like you're facing here...he only had 20 people to ask follow directions, whilst, say, the Speaker of the House has 300. He worried that he wasn't reaching enough students...but if you reach just half of them...isn't that also important?! You cannot measure your impact on the impact that you have on the all, but the best impact you have on the ones that need it most. MOST of the people here are able to lead themselves-they're the best at what they do. While I agree we have some strong personalities among us, and some problems, for the most part, I think each and everyone of them would risk their lives for the others. Not because it's what YOU'VE told them to do, but because they're mostly upstanding people, and it's what we do, as man, for our fellow humans. I think the allies we have in the aliens will behave thusly, as well. So my advice...let it go. Just issue your orders, and trust it will get done. And trust that while not everyone will agree with you, they will listen, and they will do as you ask. They might bitch about it, but that's human nature. I would worry about a soldier who puts his sole and absolute trust in a leader, NEVER asking a question. That means he is stupid, and stupid is dangerous. No one here fits that bill. Which tells me you're worrying about nothing. If I may, General?! Ask for a day of Liberty. Turn the running of the base over to Jones and Miller for a day, head out into the forest, and just let go. Just for a few solid hours, even. I promise you, the problems will still be here, and I promise that you will figure them out. Ok? Roger finished, and then offered the man a caring smile. If the General could trust him, and TRY, he could probably feel "better" in just a few hours.

Tag:Jason Conway.