Honey, I shrunk the Cat! (Aear)

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1800 Hours
Roger's Office
Infirmary
Meropis

Roger waited for Aear. This time, he was more prepared-after a series of oral batteries, they were going to have a mano-et-mano talk. Well. Except Aear wasn't properly a "man," was he?! And who was Roger kidding, he didn't have "man-to-man" talks with anyone. He should have said they were going to have a deep rap session. 

He got his office tidyed up again-he was a hopeless mess, and even though he'd cleaned off his desk just that morning, it was already littered with his notes and discarded pieces of paper. He moved the trash to the bin, then stacked his notes in no particular order. He would file them later-the kings and queens of procrastination were people who worked in mental health. At least he'd managed to avoid that loftiest of white towers-academia. For now. Though he had a slightly high suspicion that if he made out of THIS adventure alive, Lucy would want him to settle down and be present as a father. He wanted that, too, of course, but he also knew he needed to provide for his family, and it was deeply important to him that his work matter to someone who needed it. Like a solider coming home from battle...or a half-cat, half-man alien being. 

He heard the knock at the door and he stood up to let Aear in. He didn't make the mistake of having a fresh water pitcher handy-he was many things, but stupid wasn't one. He settled in across from Aear. 

How was the rest of your day? He figured they might as well just cut the crap and get started. No point in wasting anyone's time. 

tag:Aear Charter. Sorry for not posting this first-I forgot then I went ahead and made an executive decision. You know where I am for the throttlings  

[Aear Charter]

1800
Roger's Office

Aear sighed and leaned his head on the door to Roger's office. The doc had asked him to come and see him after hours, so to speak seeing as how neither of them slept. After he'd left in the morning Aear had headed out to one of the piers to be away from everyone. He'd seen another ghost and he wasn't going to have a flashback around people. Or so he thought at least, the familiar feeling of it coming hadn't left him and it hadn't happened yet.

Aear lifted his head for the door then let it fall again.Apparently that was him knocking because not long after the door opened and he almost fell into Roger's office. Aear slumped into the chair opposite Roger before hearing probably the most annoying and irritating question he'd heard all day. Aear just stared blankly at the man. Where was he supposed to start? Admit that he had lost control of his memories a long time ago, that he often caught himself fighting them just because that was how events had played out before? Yeah Aear was going to just admit that he wasn't sure he could control himself any more. And so Aear continued to stare blankly at Roger, lost to how exactly he was supposed to answer that question.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1801
Roger's Office

*bang* *bang* *bang* What on EARTH was going on?! He whipped open the door. Aear was banging his head against it. Roger made a face.

What on Earth is going on? Come in... He sighed, and escorted Aear in firmly, but gently, by the arm. He seated him carefully, and then sat down himself.

I am glad you came. Take a moment and collect yourself. Said Roger.

Tag:Aear Charter. Sorry. I lost my train of thought...

[Aear Charter]

1801
Roger's Office

Aear looked around the office as Roger escorted him into the room, more then his last visit here. Hibiki was stalking him, a memory he wasn't allowed to forget. Just like the rest of them. Aear ignored the look that Roger had given him, he wasn't supposed to see him banging his head against the door. Aear's face had turned a slight purple as he tried to be swallowed by the chair. Did he have to be here? For that matter why had Roger physically taken him to the chair? Aear made every attempt to hide his depression, usually that meant acting childish and cheerful. Was it that obvious that he was on edge? Or was the doctor just that good?

Clearly Roger could tell that Aear was half-panicking. The man was giving him time to calm himself and collect his thoughts. I am glad you came. Take a moment and collect yourself. Aear was really not sure that was a good idea. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before immediately regretting it. "What's the matter second?" Aear sat bolt upright and looked around at where the voice had come from. It took him a moment to realise it had come from in his head. Well sort of anyway. It was Hibiki's voice. His name, his first name at least. Aear turned back to Roger and gave him a nervous smile before shrinking even further back into the chair. This was going to be a long night.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1802
Roger's Office

Roger looked concerndly at Aear. The young man was more upset than he was earlier, and Roger wondered if he had pushed too far. Sometimes that happened-and then Roger would need to either go back and start over, or give up altogether. He wasn't about to give up on Aear, though-he had a feeling that's exactly what the Alien might want. He just stopped, and waited. Aear would speak when he was ready.

Sure enough, several moments later, he did.

What's the matter second Roger cocked his head.

Who did you see, Aear? Roger hoped that Aear wasn't having hallucinations.

Tag: Aear Charter.

[Aear Charter]

1802
Roger's Office

Aear looked at Roger rather startledly, had the doc figured him out? Aear sank yet further into the chair glancing a couple of times at the direction of the voice. How exactly was he supposed to say he was hearing and seeing someone who was long since dead. Someone who he REALLY did not want to hear or see. His time on Olanzi wasn't exactly pleasant and clearly it had never left him. Recent events had in no way helped his 'recovery'.

I... I heard a voice that can't be there...

Aear looked anywhere but at Roger. Normally he wouldn't even touch the subject. Yet Roger was prying everything out of him. Aear couldn't help but wonder if the man could actually help him or if it would be another wasted effort. One more time he'd put his trust in someone only to find either there was nothing they could do or they would just give up. Most people he'd tried to confide in would just leave at the mere mention of him fighting his memories. Not that he blamed them, who wanted to be around a mage of his level when they started fighting things that weren't there. Aear swallowed hard and tried not to let it show, something he'd become rather practised at.

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1802
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Roger looked on, concernedly. Aear was acting strangely, even more than was normal; Roger was, by now, used to a bit of fecklessness from the Ueadean.

I... I heard a voice that can't be there... Roger exhaled lightly. Dotty as you please, but Roger decided to play along.

Who is it, Aear?! A voice from the past? What are you feeling right now? Roger pushed hard, but gently. He didn't need Aear to physically attack him, though it wouldn't be the first time a patient had acted out. He just hoped that Aear would be truthful. Tell them to GO, Aear, to go and let you be.... Roger encouraged.

Tag:Aear Charter.

[Aear Charter]

1803
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Who is it, Aear?! A voice from the past? What are you feeling right now?

I... Um... Yeah... Her name was... Hibiki... Aear dodged Roger's gaze. You weren't supposed to tell people you fight your memories, that's crazy people stuff right there. But then Roger WAS a crazy people helper wasn't he. Aear took a deep breath before he answered the last question snapping a little as he did. I feel like I shouldn't be around people right now.

Tell them to GO, Aear, to go and let you be....

Don't you think I've tried telling them the **** off? The speed at which Aear's gazed darted around the room was increasing, his breathing was starting to shallow and his temper was beginning to get the better of him. Normally he would have wandered off somewhere where there wasn't anyone, the depths of the jungle seemed reasonable, but someone insisted he came back for another crazy person talk thing.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1803
Roger's Office
Infirmary

Aear responded.

I... Um... Yeah... Her name was... Hibiki...feel like I shouldn't be around people right now. Roger nodded.

Well, I can understand that. Hibiki. Ok. That's helpful. It would help Roger to decide how to use his tools to help Aear. Having a name for the face would be very useful.

Don't you think I've tried telling them the **** off? Roger scowled.

Well, do it AGAIN. Now you have someone else around; they cannot act out with another person present. He waited to see what Aear would do, then he went on.

Aear, I want to try something with you. It's called "Primal therapy". It's meant to address repressed pain-both actual, physical pain, as well as emotional pain. We're going to confront Habiki. And you're going to SCREAM when it gets scary, or painful, or sad. Scream until your voice hurts if you want. He took a breath, and waited to see if Aear was game.

Tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1804
Roger's Office

Well, I can understand that. Hibiki. Ok. That's helpful.

Aear nodded weakly. There was a reason he didn't like seeing Hibiki, a constant reminder of a childhood he wished he was able to forget. She... She was... One of the scientists... Again Aear looked away, admitting that his childhood still haunted him, that he was doing the one thing he was never supposed to, it was no surprise his face was flushed purple.

Well, do it AGAIN. Now you have someone else around; they cannot act out with another person present.

Aear raised an eyebrow. Couldn't act out with another person present? That was some BS right there. There had been plenty of times they'd bothered him with others present. The whole reason why he didn't want to be around people was in case he lashed out at his memories and someone got caught in the crossfire. That's not how it works Doc... They don't care who's around and who gets caught in the crossfire. My only consolation right now is I can't use magic, I can only hurt people physically. Looking up at Roger the fear in his eyes was more then present. He didn't WANT to hurt people any more, he just didn't always get such a luxury.

Aear, I want to try something with you. It's called "Primal therapy". It's meant to address repressed pain-both actual, physical pain, as well as emotional pain. We're going to confront Habiki. And you're going to SCREAM when it gets scary, or painful, or sad. Scream until your voice hurts if you want.

Again Aear raised an eyebrow. What in the black sea was he thinking? Actually doing the very thing he was trained not to do might be crazy enough to work. Or it could be really REALLY stupid. I'm a weapon Doc. My entire childhood I was told that i'm not supposed to feel fear, pain, mercy or anything else for that matter. Suddenly Aear's face went even more purple as he realised, if he screamed out in pure emotion it wouldn't be the guy's voice he'd trained into himself all those years ago but the girl's voice that he'd been born with, the voice that made him a target back then. Aear vigorously shook his head. N-N-No no no, I can't do that! Aear would be the last person to admit that he was far more afraid of being hurt then hurting others. Hell that was exactly why he was afraid of hurting others, what people do to monsters that do nothing but hurt others.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1808
Roger's Office

Roger listened quietly, patiently to Aear.

She... She was... One of the scientists... Roger raised an eyebrow. Aear wasn't making a lot of sense. He wasn't yet certain if the person was a figment of the imagination of a very messed up alien, or if, unbelivable though it was, that somehow, someone had gotten passed the security on the base for the SOLE purpose of harassing Aear. It seemed a bit self-centered, but Roger also knew that the mind did strange things when it was stressed out. Aear corrected him, or tried.

That's not how it works Doc... They don't care who's around and who gets caught in the crossfire. My only consolation right now is I can't use magic, I can only hurt people physically. Roger nodded, but raised an eyebrow.

It's going to be pretty hard for her to get to you in here...it's pretty secure, the guards are armed...and I will keep you safe. Roger was no dummy; he was well trained in self-defense and he was a firm adherent to the Hippocratic oath. He would do no harm and would not allow harm to befall others if he could help it. Plus, as I understand it, most of the...alien speices tend to have a strict adherence to the rules of social interaction. It would not look well for anyone to harm you in a public place. Go talk to Paisley Gregg when we're done here; her people run some sort of extrateresstrial amnesty thing. She is friendly, as well. He sighed.

Aear went on to protest his treatment.

I'm a weapon Doc. My entire childhood I was told that i'm not supposed to feel fear, pain, mercy or anything else for that matter. N-N-No no no, I can't do that! Roger made his face firm. He nodded once.

You CAN, Aear. What is the worst that will happen? You'll hit me? I've worked in an asylum before, with the criminally insane. You're a cake walk compared to that. Roger's words were a little harsh, but Roger knew that Aear needed someone to be firm, and if no one else was going to, HE would. He stated again. Scream. Or cry. Hit me. Do whatever you want, but let it GO. He looked Aear straight in the eye for a moment, hoping the catman would be more man than cat for once, and let him help.

Tag:Aear Charter.

[Aear Charter]

1808
Roger's office

It's going to be pretty hard for her to get to you in here...it's pretty secure, the guards are armed...and I will keep you safe... Plus, as I understand it, most of the...alien speices tend to have a strict adherence to the rules of social interaction. It would not look well for anyone to harm you in a public place. Go talk to Paisley Gregg when we're done here; her people run some sort of extrateresstrial amnesty thing. She is friendly, as well.

Aear listened carefully to Roger. He just wasn't getting it though. Aear was going have to spell it out to him. You don't get it! She's dead ok!? I killed her so I know... There's a reason I don't sleep... A reason why I don't even want to close my eyes... Everytime... Tears welled up in Aear's eyes as he looked down. He was tired of fighting every day Frustrated that he could never make any progress and Roger's probing was not helping. Was he trying to push him over the edge? And yet somehow the probing wasn't making Hibiki more active, if anything it seemed to be shutting her up.

You CAN, Aear. What is the worst that will happen? You'll hit me? I've worked in an asylum before, with the criminally insane. You're a cake walk compared to that... Scream. Or cry. Hit me. Do whatever you want, but let it GO.

Aear looked up at Roger weakly. How exactly was he supposed to just let it go? It's not that easy. It's sound great in practice but when you were routinely beaten and raped for showing any kind of emotion... Or because you don't have a guys voice.. Aear trailed off. Roger wanted to do the very things that made him vulnerable, that made him a target for more abuse. Of course Aear was afraid, but still this was a cake walk compared to his childhood.

Tag; Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1809 Hours
Roger's Office

Roger listened as usual. He let Aear have his release. Roger believed in his work; he pushed to the limit, and the fallout was that the patient usually acquised and asked for help, or tried to push back. The answer revealed a lot about where the person was on their journey...the ones who fought back weren't ready yet. The ones who asked for help were more likely to BE helped. He wasn't yet sure where Aear fell.

You don't get it! She's dead ok!? I killed her so I know... There's a reason I don't sleep... A reason why I don't even want to close my eyes... Everytime...Ah. There it was. A combination of BOTH. Roger had HOPED for this..not to see the man suffer, of course, but he'd hoped for a mutually-beneficial outcome. It was coming to fruition. If he could get Aear to calm down for a moment, and get even the tiniest hint of trust, he could help Aear to manifest his life in amazing ways. Roger quietly handed him a tissue, and then spoke, his voice deep with empathy.

She haunts you. He stated the obvious, but for a reason. In our language, we call that a concious. That means that your soul is overriding your training; that you have a sense of the collective. Do you know what empathy is?! It is the ability to understand someone's plight because you have experienced it yourself. Sympathy is a similar thing; acknowledging another person's emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance. When you can do those things, you rise above the training... in it's own way, it's a way of "sticking it to the Man." That is, it's sort of spite in itself, isn't it? That you REFUSE to become what they want you to be. He stopped, letting Aear go on.

It's not that easy. It's sound great in practice but when you were routinely beaten and raped for showing any kind of emotion... Or because you don't have a guys voice.. Roger nodded gravely. He understood.

And I am asking you to go to that place, where you open yourself up to abuse. BUT. I promise a reward instead. Will you try it just once? Roger didn't remind him that this was a safe place, but Roger felt like Aear already knew. If screams are TOO uncomfortable, maybe you'd like to draw it instead. We have a techinque, on Earth, that we call "play" therapy. It's normally for children, but I find that adults can be helped if they allow themselves the silliness that children possess. Does that sound better? Roger had a couple more ideas in his bag of tricks; he was no dummy, but neither was he a quitter, and he wasn't going to quit on Aear just because the going got a little tough.

Tag:Aear Charter.

[Aear Charter]

1810
Roger's Office

She haunts you... In our language, we call that a concious. That means that your soul is overriding your training; that you have a sense of the collective. Do you know what empathy is?! It is the ability to understand someone's plight because you have experienced it yourself. Sympathy is a similar thing; acknowledging another person's emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance. When you can do those things, you rise above the training... in it's own way, it's a way of "sticking it to the Man." That is, it's sort of spite in itself, isn't it? That you REFUSE to become what they want you to be.

Aear stared at Roger for moment. Part of him was a little ticked off that he was stated the obvious, but mostly he'd just gained a new found respect for Roger. Most people when he admitted that jumped to his memories haunting him out of guilt. But it wasn't that at all and Roger had pieced together the tidbits of information Aear had given him, he'd put 2 and 2 together and unlike everyone else hadn't come out with 5. Roger actually understood and maybe, just maybe Aear could trust the man.

I know. I... I realised that a long time ago. I guess a part of me has always known that. I was the only one out of the three of us that let a family adopt them. Well Mana tried a few times but she never found a place she could stay. I guess that's why I did stay. that and I have a couple of younger sisters to look after now. Aear leaned back in the chair and relaxed for the first time it what seemed like forever, a small smile forming. He'd thought he was alone out here, sure there was Fee but he owed her a life debt, it was a different kind of trust.

And I am asking you to go to that place, where you open yourself up to abuse. BUT. I promise a reward instead. Will you try it just once? If screams are TOO uncomfortable, maybe you'd like to draw it instead. We have a techinque, on Earth, that we call "play" therapy. It's normally for children, but I find that adults can be helped if they allow themselves the silliness that children possess. Does that sound better?

Aear looked at Roger and considered his revised offer. An easy way out, who in the black sea wouldn't take it? Io. That does sound a lot easier. I used to sing back home actually. Draw what exactly?

Tag; Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1813
Roger's Office

Roger could tell he was getting through...he just didn't know how MUCH yet. He sighed, trying to keep his stamina. Aear was one of the most emotionally trying of his patients, and Roger would need his OWN therapy after this. Luckily, Roger wasn't in any danger of a mental health crises, but he DID fancy a pint and a f*g. At least he could have one if not the other; he'd given up smoking eons ago, and Lucy would literally kill him if he started again.

I know. I... I realised that a long time ago. I guess a part of me has always known that. I was the only one out of the three of us that let a family adopt them. Well Mana tried a few times but she never found a place she could stay. I guess that's why I did stay. that and I have a couple of younger sisters to look after now. Roger smiled a little.

Please tell me about them. It would provide a good break-going from the serious to the not-serious and then back to serious was a lot of how Roger ran his sessions, though in this case,it had been patient driven. Which was GREAT; Roger preferred that.

Aear seemed intrigued by the suggestion of play therapy.

Io. That does sound a lot easier. I used to sing back home actually. Draw what exactly? Roger paused. Techincally, he would have Aear draw whatever he wanted, but for now, Roger should guide him a little.

Yourself. Wait here a moment, please. Roger stood, and crossed to the bookshelf, where he located a few sheets of blank paper and a set of colored pencils. He returned, and placed them on the coffee table in front of Aear. He spoke then.

Feel free to begin when you're ready. I will be watching, but there's no right or wrong way to do it, ok? I'll be watching, but not staring. I plan to do some work while you work. Then we can chat some more after you're done. He nodded, and quietly stepped to the desk, letting Aear be.

Tag:Aear Charter.