Honey, I shrunk the Cat! (Aear)

[Aear Charter]

1813
Roger's Office

Aear could both feel and see Roger's fatigue, quite the difference from how he'd seemed when they'd begun. A part of him told him he should make sure the man was alright, see if he wanted a break. Roger seemed to be putting a lot more effort into helping him, or at least Aear assuming he was helping him, than he'd expected. It was a nice feeling but that doubt in the back of his mind didn't let him enjoy it. What if Roger was just trying to gain his trust for his own motivations? What if all this DIDN'T help him? It'd be just like the mind games from his childhood, gain his trust only to betray him in the most cruel ways they could think of. He knew why they did it, weapons didn't need to trust people, just follow the orders they were given.

Of course that made Roger's questioning of his family difficult. Well actually I have 3 step-sisters. Annear is my step-twin, at least going by my official date of birth. She's the crown princess and likes to makes sure everyone knows it. Always making sure we follow the proper etiquette, the proper royal image. Aear rolled his eyes at the whole idea, he didn't like being restrained by bullnuts rules designed to make you pretend to be something you weren't. Chiquita is the middle sister. She's hyper and full of energy always running around and scheming things. She just likes to have fun and enjoy herself. Aear smiled at the idea of Chiqui running around the base. He wouldn't have to wind anyone up or go where he wasn't supposed to, she'd bring the attention to him like she always did. Kana is the youngest. She's quiet and studies hard. She doesn't really get on with Chiqui but she's diligent and they look out for each other when they need to. He had to admit that at least Kana would keep Chiqui out of too much trouble. He enjoyed looking after those two. Between training Ann in affairs of state and her health it was either him or the maids looking after them. He just wished he didn't have to be away so long.

Yourself. Wait here a moment, please... ...Feel free to begin when you're ready. I will be watching, but there's no right or wrong way to do it, ok? I'll be watching, but not staring. I plan to do some work while you work. Then we can chat some more after you're done.

Aear stared at the paper. How exactly was he supposed to draw himself? It wasn't like he didn't know what he looked like, he'd seen his reflection and had used enough MaDaR and MaNaR to know. The trouble was the last person he wanted to be was usually himself. Aear opened his mouth to speak but Roger had already sat down at his desk attending to whatever it was he was doing. He knew what that meant, the same thing it always meant, he wasn't getting a choice in the matter. Aear looked over at the pencils, where would he even start? What colour? What part of him? At least Roger wasn't actively watching him. Aear wasn't an idiot either, Roger wanted to see how he saw himself. He wasn't exactly sure there was a picture to go with that, it was always just a feeling.

Aear settled for drawing his external appearance. That'd be easy right? Everyone saw that and with Cyleo's help it'd be a perfect image. That was the theory at least. He spent a few minutes at it and quickly had a rather printer like image of himself. Not that it felt right. Not in the slightest and the longer Aear stared at the picture the more it irritated him. Kyaa! Muu! Aear grabbed the peice of paper screwed it into a ball and threw it aside. He wasn't intending to throw it at Roger but it flew in his direction none the less.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1813
Roger's Office

Roger sighed. He was weary from the day-all the stories, some of them horrific, some of them funny, but all of them important-had taken their toll. He sometimes wondered if he got TOO involved, if he cared TOO much. On the other hand, some of these people had NO ONE who cared. So maybe too much still wasn't ENOUGH. He sighed, and settled in at his desk, and put his head in his hands. When he started to wax philosophical, it was the surest sign that he needed some rest. But he wasn't done with Aear. He would stay, for however long Aear needed him tonight, and for however long into the future.

He glanced at his patient, who seemed to be deciding what to do. Roger wasn't going to interrupt unless Aear got TOO frustrated; Aear needed to trust that Roger knew what he was doing, and also to trust HIMSELF-that he could perform the task that Roger wanted. He started to make treatment notes; he'd gotten a referral from the medical department to take a second look at Miss Lefebvre. He sighed. THAT was going to be a whole other ball of wax. He'd speak to both Kells and West about it; might serve them well to take her off duty for a week, put her in the clinic, and give her a deep treatment.

A balled-up piece of paper flew in his direction, and he looked up. Aear appeared frustrated, and Roger smiled a little.

There's no right or wrong answer, Aear. Just draw anything. However you see yourself personally. No one's gonna see it but me. And nothing you can draw will frighten me, trust me. Roger sighed deeply. How true that was. Aear was damaged, that was true, but at least he was realitvely sane.

tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1813
Roger's Office

Aear gave Roger an exasperated look, I don't use my eyes to see myself I use my magic and I can't right now and then it's not an image more a feeling. Aear didn't know how he was supposed to translate that to an image. What image could possibly fit? Hell he didn't even know what to draw most of the time. Blueprints or schematics was one thing, they had actual visible, well stuff.

Tag; Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1813
Roger's Office

Roger still had Aear's gaze. He was growing exasperated; Aear had intially seemed willing to go along, but now Roger wasn't so sure. He pulled himself together, though.

I don't use my eyes to see myself I use my magic and I can't right now and then it's not an image more a feeling. Roger nodded once, firmly.

Then draw the feeling, Aear. Or WRITE it. Just put pencil to paper. His tone was low, even. He would make Aear do this; they needed this to move forward in their treatment. If Aear had any hope of feeling OK, he needed to face his demons, and most especially the ones that lie within. He sighed. Please don't feel like you're wasting time or something. I have all night. He would MAKE it all night if he had to.

Tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1813
Roger's Office

Aear stared back at Roger as his tail flicked irritatedly. Why did he have to pick the one thing he was never able to picture. Sure Aear was stalling now but Roger wasn't letting him out of this. The man was acting the boss as it were and Aear's instinct was to placate.

Then draw the feeling, Aear. Or WRITE it. Just put pencil to paper... Please don't feel like you're wasting time or something. I have all night.

Aear winced at Roger's words as his ears folded down. It wasn't what Roger had said but the tone. It was probably the closest Roger would get to an actual growl and instinctively Aear knew that. Aear was already placed in a submissive mode and he shrank into his seat a little. Wakatta, wakatta. Aear placed the pencils to one side and began practicing his reverse breathing. He was absorbing extra mana from the air and passing it through hinself shaping it as he did. Placing the 'image' he'd seen before using mana into it. He placed his left hand on the piece of paper and used his MAF to convert the mana into heat burning the shape into the paper. His magic was still weak enough that he'd only get a faint mark on the paper however. He then looked up at Roger. There. YOU translate it.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1813
Roger's Office

Roger forced himself to calm down a little. He could sense that Aear had picked up his momentary annoyance, and he felt a little bit embarassed that he'd let himself show it. Not that he TRIED to be stoic, but he also had a job to do, and part of his job was being pushed back. However, he also cared about Aear; if he were going to be the only who did, that was enough.

Wakatta, wakatta.... Roger watched Aear now. He watched the alien place the pencils to one side, and instead, use magic to "burn" an image to the paper. Roger sighed; he supposed that DID count.

Aear looked up at him.

There. YOU translate it. Roger reached out for the paper, and fished his reading glasses out of his pocket. He took the paper, and looked at it. It was abstract, and Roger thought for a moment.

It's...interesting to me that you see yourself in the abstract, Aear...almost as if you don't exsist. I thank you for your work; I could see that it was difficult for you. Besides the obvious reasons, want to take a guess as to WHY it was hard? Roger had a few ideas, but he wanted to see what Aear said. He felt like Aear was going to let him in, and Roger didn't want to do anything to mess up their tenousous peace.

Tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1813
Roger's Office

Aear waited patiently whilst Roger examined his image. Roger put on some sort of... Optical adaptation device? Whatever it was Aear could see that it was a transparent material placed in front of the eyes and from what it did to the light it presumably compensated for visual discrepancies in the eyes. He'd seen them on Fee and that sorta fit but with Roger it just looked, well odd. Not that he was used to them at all, Meowtians either used magic to set the eye straight or relied on their magical sense.

It's...interesting to me that you see yourself in the abstract, Aear...almost as if you don't exsist. I thank you for your work; I could see that it was difficult for you. Besides the obvious reasons, want to take a guess as to WHY it was hard?

Aear stared back at Roger for a moment. I told you I don't use my eyes. I only have one now anyway. Aear pointed to the purple scar that had formed over his eye since it had more or less healed. Of course that wasn't what Roger wanted to know. Aear looked away after a moment of Roger staring back at him. Well maybe because i've always been the failure of the project. I was always told I was worthless. Aear started off snapping but trailed off into a softer tone as he went. Aear lay backwards and sprawled out. At least that was over now. He returned his gaze to Roger and waited for whatever he wanted him to do next. He wasn't leaving till they where done. He didn't like to leave things half done and he didn't like to half ass things when they were important.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1814
Roger's Office

Roger was still holding onto Aear's "art". He was planning to file it away, but maybe Aear would let him frame it instead. He liked to hold onto the work his patients did-if for no other reason than to show them how far they'd come, especially when treatment got hard. And even if he never showed them, he liked to keep it for himself, to remind him why he did it on the difficult days.

I told you I don't use my eyes. I only have one now anyway. Roger raised his right eyebrow, but waited for Aear to "get it." Well maybe because i've always been the failure of the project. I was always told I was worthless. Roger nodded.

Well. I know that words are shallow, but you matter HERE. At least to some people, and we don't see you a failure. Sure, you might have made mistakes, but we all do. That does NOT mean you're a failure. It just means that you needed to learn something. Hopefully, you DID and won't make that mistake again. He paused, then went on. Can I keep this, Aear? He smiled as Aear made himself at home.

Ok, Aear. Now we can move on to other things. Do you want to keep going, or do you want to stop for the night? Either way is fine with me; as I stated before, I have all night. He hoped that they were at least OK with each other for now.

Tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1814
Roger's Office

Aear rolled over to his front as Roger continued to look over his work. Laying on his tail was just uncomfortable, why had he laid down backwards? He turned his ears backwards to face Roger and still listen to him, forgetting that Roger probably wouldn't notice not having been used to such things.

Well. I know that words are shallow, but you matter HERE. At least to some people, and we don't see you a failure. Sure, you might have made mistakes, but we all do. That does NOT mean you're a failure. It just means that you needed to learn something. Hopefully, you DID and won't make that mistake again.

Aear let out a sigh. So at least he wasn't a failure to these people. Just because people don't see me as a failure here doesn't mean I matter here. You really think that if I disappeared tomorrow anyone would care? Aear didn't roll over nor did he look back to Roger. He kept his ears trained but his tail lie lifeless behind him. That was the thing though, no one cared. If they cared they would be here. Once he left here, for whatever reason, no one would come with him, no one would care.

Can I keep this, Aear?

Sure, not like i've got any use for it. Aear stayed laying on the floor staring at nothing in particular. He wasn't tired, at least not in the physical sense. He didn't technically need sleep so long as he kept his mana levels up. But this session had taken him all over the place emotionally, he had yet to notice but every day was like this, one day happy, the next irritated by nothing in particular, the next he was depressed.

Ok, Aear. Now we can move on to other things. Do you want to keep going, or do you want to stop for the night? Either way is fine with me; as I stated before, I have all night.

Aear rolled onto his side so he could look at Roger. He couldn't tell if the man was tired or not. Maybe he was a robot and just never stopped? If your ok then I don't mind. If you're tired take a break though. Aear didn't mind, he'd rather continue and get things done.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1820
Roger's Office

Roger returned to his chair. He looked at Aear sprawling on the floor-apparently, germs were something else entirely to aliens. Roger himself wouldn't be caught dead even picking up anything from the floors here without a glove on, let alone rest on it, but what the hell did he know?! It was entirely possible that Aear knew about alien germs.

Just because people don't see me as a failure here doesn't mean I matter here. You really think that if I disappeared tomorrow anyone would care? Well, at least Aear was listening, even if he were sprawled about like he owned the place.

Of course people would care. Not just myself, but also Fiona, and the General. Lots of people. Roger was certain that his words were true; most people would at least NOTICE that he was gone, anyway.

Sure, not like i've got any use for it. Roger nodded, and slipped under the legal pad on his clipboard. He went on.

Mind if I share it with others? Roger hoped so, but he'd understand if Aear didn't want it shared.

Aear continued then, and Roger smiled. He DID care, more than he wanted to admit.

If your ok then I don't mind. If you're tired take a break though. Roger shrugged a little.

I am fine...not tired. I would like to tell you about what I see from your art piece. I wonder what it means to YOU that you made the paper burn. To me, outside of the obvious reasons that you don't see yourself in the traditional sense of the word, it also says to me that you see yourself as a flash existence...that your life is unimportant. I understand the why; your training, and all that, but really...how does it make you feel to carry that around with you all the time? Roger waited expectantly.

Tag:Aear Charter

[Aear Charter]

1820
Roger's Office

Of course people would care. Not just myself, but also Fiona, and the General. Lots of people.

Aear's flicked a little in frustration, it was almost as if Roger had ignored his entire statement. He hadn't but it felt like it. Though perhaps Aear was going about this in the wrong way, of course he wanted people to care about him, who didn't, but he didn't trust the words spoken. You care? How do you intend to prove it? Aear rolled and sat up to stare up at Roger. That was his challenge.

Mind if I share it with others?

Aear couldn't help but giggle a little, the girlish voice that had slipped out a little earlier all but apparent, if attempted to be hidden. There's got to be only 2 other people in the known universe that could even comprehend such an image but sure. Might be a laugh to see what the non-magical races make of it.

I am fine...not tired. I would like to tell you about what I see from your art piece. I wonder what it means to YOU that you made the paper burn. To me, outside of the obvious reasons that you don't see yourself in the traditional sense of the word, it also says to me that you see yourself as a flash existence...that your life is unimportant. I understand the why; your training, and all that, but really...how does it make you feel to carry that around with you all the time?

The smile on Aear's face faded instantly, or rather changed from amusement to something rather more cold. As far as Aear was concerned Roger was being an arrogant know it all. It was the exact opposite of how Aear saw himself and he was a little more then just ticked off. Quite the opposite actually. I don't age, and as far as I know, just like my project sisters, I can't die either. Flash existence? Don't suppose you've ever considered what you'll do when everyone you've ever known has died of old age, or how long that would take. 50 years, 100 years. And then what? Start again? Find new people to care about just to watch them all die again? How about the next time? Or the time after that? How about I burnt the paper because the flame never dies. EVER.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1823
Roger's Office

Roger and Aear were making great headway. Roger was pleased with how much work Aear had done, and he was about praise him for it when Aear retreated.

You care? How do you intend to prove it? Roger sighed. He knew that Aear needed reassurances. So he made his words clear, making sure the Cat man could understand his sincerity.

By SHOWING you, Aear. By doing everything I said I am, today and from now on. Words are shallow; I know. But actions...DOING things means so much more, doesn't it?! Roger said pointedly. Of course, he wanted Aear to believe him, but Roger was no idiot, he knew that trust was not built in one session, no matter how well the patient did. He continued.

I want to commend you, Aear. You were brave to share with me, and I appreciate it. I know it's scary. But you need to know that your secrets ARE safe. He sighed, and let Aear go on. The cat man shifted his weight, into a sitting-up position, "Indian-style", if you would.

There's got to be only 2 other people in the known universe that could even comprehend such an image but sure. Might be a laugh to see what the non-magical races make of it. Roger nodded.

Exactly! In talk therapy, we have a tool we call Rorschach tests. They're images hidden in ink blots. It's meant to gauge how one interprets things. I would like to use this image in that way, if you'll let me. Roger explained his idea. The cat seemed in agreement, and Roger filed it away.

Quite the opposite actually. I don't age, and as far as I know, just like my project sisters, I can't die either. Flash existence? Don't suppose you've ever considered what you'll do when everyone you've ever known has died of old age, or how long that would take. 50 years, 100 years. And then what? Start again? Find new people to care about just to watch them all die again? How about the next time? Or the time after that? How about I burnt the paper because the flame never dies. EVER. Roger watched Aear. It was good that he was releasing it. Roger nodded empathetically.

I understand that, Aear. Really, I DO. I can't, of course, empathize, but I DO understand. Just because you will outlive some people you like doesn't mean that thier friendship, that thier purpose isn't IMPORTANT. I understand that it's PAINFUL...but in two hundred years time...think of the GOOD memories. I know you're friendly with Fiona; what about that?! Wouldn't it be nice to think about that red hair and the way she thinks about YOUR health? Isn't it nice to know that you had a friend here from the start? ISN'T IT? Roger was firm now; Aear simply couldn't let himself shut out others simply because he might lose them; if everyone did that, then NO ONE would have a friend. He went on, his tone a bit lighter. Maybe try to make friends with some of the other aliens. Paisley is immortal, as well, and is slow to age...you can share memories. You will be able, in five centuries, to phone her and say "Remember that crazy Doc Harrison?" And you can LAUGH about it. Aear, I am jealous. Yes, that's what I am! I am jealous. You will get to remember all the best parts of people, while humans are doomed to dementia and forgetfulness and even the mean forms of crazy as we age. Roger hadn't realized that he had stood, and was pointing at Aear. It was harsher than he'd meant to be, but Roger meant every word of it.

Tag:Aear Charter.

[Aear Charter]

1823
Roger's Office

By SHOWING you, Aear. By doing everything I said I am, today and from now on. Words are shallow; I know. But actions...DOING things means so much more, doesn't it?!

Aear looked incredulously at Roger. He hadn't said a word about DOING anything, all they'd done so far is talked and Aear had drawn, well burnt, a picture. Che. Aear made a rather irritated noise. He didn't like it when people claimed to do things they hadn't, he had PERFECT memory, he wasn't allowed to forget a single second so if anyone knew what really happened it was him.

I want to commend you, Aear. You were brave to share with me, and I appreciate it. I know it's scary. But you need to know that your secrets ARE safe.

Yuki ka...? Aear hadn't considered what he'd done to be brave or courageous. He pondered for a moment on the definition of the word courage. The ability to do something that frightens one. That was great and all but that sorta required that he admit to HIMSELF he was afraid of share.

Exactly! In talk therapy, we have a tool we call Rorschach tests. They're images hidden in ink blots. It's meant to gauge how one interprets things. I would like to use this image in that way, if you'll let me.

So, you judge how crazy someone is based on how they interpret an abstract image? That was the gist of what Aear had heard and understood at least. It seemed both wholely inadequate but also seemed to make some actual sense. He pondered how his project sister would see such images. Blood and water probably.

I understand that, Aear. Really, I DO. I can't, of course, empathize, but I DO understand. Just because you will outlive some people you like doesn't mean that thier friendship, that thier purpose isn't IMPORTANT. I understand that it's PAINFUL...but in two hundred years time...think of the GOOD memories. I know you're friendly with Fiona; what about that?! Wouldn't it be nice to think about that red hair and the way she thinks about YOUR health? Isn't it nice to know that you had a friend here from the start? ISN'T IT?

I DO owe her a lifedebt I suppose... Verbally he avoided the issue. Strictly speaking he wasn't sure about Fee, he didn't really know her well enough to trust her, but then he owed her a lifedebt so he sort of HAD to trust her. At the very least it was nice to know someone cared if he lived or died.

Maybe try to make friends with some of the other aliens. Paisley is immortal, as well, and is slow to age...you can share memories. You will be able, in five centuries, to phone her and say "Remember that crazy Doc Harrison?" And you can LAUGH about it. Aear, I am jealous. Yes, that's what I am! I am jealous. You will get to remember all the best parts of people, while humans are doomed to dementia and forgetfulness and even the mean forms of crazy as we age.

Aear stood up FAST. Roger had said the wrong thing and Aear shot him a dark look. Yeah, I remember. I'm not allowed to forget a second. Every one of the 287524 hours i've been alive. I WISH I could forget, but unlike you I wasn't built like that. And with that Aear stalked over to the door and slammed it behind him.

Tag: Dr. Roger Harrison

[Dr. Roger Harrison]

1825
Roger's Office

Roger felt that they were making great headway.

Che...Yuki ka...? Working the translator, Roger just nodded.

Yes, Aear. In my opinion, when one feels fear but overcomes it, that is courage. And that's admirable. He sighed. He meant his words, but he hoped that Aear would take him seriously...he NEEDED to. Roger didn't have all the answers, of course, but he had SOME and the ones he had were going to work...IF Aear took it to heart.

So, you judge how crazy someone is based on how they interpret an abstract image? Roger shrugged. Basically, yes.

There's a LITTLE more to it than that, but basically, yes, that's the idea. It's really about how you INTERPRET what you see; someone with mental health issues might see something more sinister than an ink blot, for example, while someone with a better grip on reality will see more positive images, maybe a bird or a cat, or something. Roger sighed. It was really kind of bollocks explaining it; they weren't used an awful lot anymore, but some die hards still stood by them.

I DO owe her a lifedebt I suppose... Roger blinked.

I wouldn't say a 'lifedebt', Aear, but you certainly have her to thank for NOT being in the Brig...or worse. Those soliders wanted you dead; Fiona has a way of seeing humanity where the others just see a monster. Really, she'd be a fantastic psychologist, really...it's my wish that you can help her to open up a little. She carries fears, Aear, like you do. She has distrusts that isn't entirely misplaced. As do some others here. The point is that there ARE people who care. He sighed. 


Yeah, I remember. I'm not allowed to forget a second. Every one of the 2.282,342 hours i've been alive. I WISH I could forget, but unlike you I wasn't built like that. Just as Roger was about to reply, Aear walked out the door. Roger just looked at it sadly, but didn't go after him. He would let Aear be for now, and try again later. Eventually, Roger would order him back in, but for now, he knew they made some progress, and at least SOME of it had gotten through. 


Tag:Aear Charter. Note: I think this one's done, then![/font][/b]

[Jason Conway]

THREAD CLOSED.